If only it were as easy as just “self-love”…


Maniamania fine jewellery Invitation For Liberation written by Ondine Purinton-Miller

Imagine all that turmoil we’d skip over if it were that easy. It's an oxymoron really. It can seem insurmountable and a completely unrealistic accomplishment for us as women and humans, to “just love yourself.” By simply suggesting that all our lives problems, all of our doubts, all of our hindrances, our weaknesses, our complexities and the rest can be solved by the one thing that can prove to be the hardest thing for most, doesn’t really make sense. The truth is, what we do when this is suggested as the sole solution, is we create a disconnect in our true authentic being. Where we leave ourselves is with the complete obliteration of our truth, we purge the very feelings that create self-enquiry, the very cracks and flaws that enable us to plumb the depths of our inner workings, the thoughts and feelings that have a true purpose if we only allow them to serve their true purpose.

The problem also lies when we place our value based on our ability to accept our superficial (as in our projected) sense of self. So, we like our cellulite? We accept our blackheads, our frizzy hair, bums and boobs, or lack thereof. Now what? What happens when we don’t feel this all powerful, elusive self-love? I’ll tell you; we’ve failed in our eyes and in the simplistic terms of many self-love gurus. We immediately become failures in the eyes of ourselves. “How can I be a conscious, spiritual and grounded woman, if I can’t just love myself”. Cue the barrage of self-hate on account of no self-love. We feel inadequate and as a result, behind the eight ball in the eyes of ourselves. Doesn’t seem right does it? It isn’t, and it's completely counter-intuitive.

The truth comes in when we sit as our authentic selves, because in that moment we can fully realise that we are so much more than an externalised self-love, based on the acceptance of our cellulite. It's not just about that. It simplifies us as women. We can’t base our spiritual value in this world as something that occurs when we just accept this outward construct of ourselves. We are so much more than that, when we see ourselves on this base level, we side with the oppressor.

Self-love is not about an external love unto ourselves, rather a permeation of love that reverberates on a cellular, spiritual and universal level.

In many cases, we romanticise what love is and that would include “self love”. The exalted feeling that self love could offer us, that belief that we are completely acceptable to ourselves, naturally would be magnificent, however, none of us actually know the real pathway to get there is through the exploration of pure love. This is a love that is beyond what we look like, beyond what we are like and project as a reality. It’s beyond our petty thoughts about ourselves and it expands in to a part of ourselves that is actually unfathomable from where we sit. Where we sit is often around our physicality, or our demonstration to the world that we are good people, because we do something to satisfy other people or satisfy our ego. Self-love has very little to do with that. Self-love is not about an external love unto ourselves, rather a permeation of love that reverberates on a cellular, spiritual and universal level. When we get that love, we are in self-love. But there is no seeking that out, choosing to like yourself and look in the mirror and say “today I love myself” doesn’t constitute the act of love, rather appreciation, which is the first step on the path to understanding love as a universal energy.

Having said all of this, go out and just love. Love everything. Fake it ’til you make it. Do it.

Written by Ondine Purinton-Miller

Artwork by Brigette Bloom